She’s an actor, screenwriter and Emmy-nominated producer who is now helping others navigate the stressful nature of the film and television industry. Please welcome Gilda Graham.
Amanda:
What is it about the film industry that has always had your attention?
Gilda:
I’ve always wanted to go into the film industry. When I was about 12 or 13, it was just something that I…something was calling to me. And then I forgot about it because you grow up and your mom’s not exactly psyched that you want to be in the entertainment industry. So, she’s like, “No, no. You’re going to school and you’re gonna become a teacher, or a nurse, or something like that.” So I forgot about it for a long time. And then when I got to college, I started doing the fun hobbies like acting, and theater and musicals, and that just stole my heart. So I actually started as an actress on stage doing Shakespeare in front of the camera. And then I just got a little camera shy at one point in my life, had a lot of anxiety and was like, no, I’m gonna be a producer now.
I love being able to tell a story and to move people.
Amanda:
So your transition into producing was because you didn’t want to be in front of the camera anymore?
Gilda:
Yeah, pretty much, but I loved storytelling. I loved being able to tell a story and to move people. And that’s why I ended up with a degree in screenwriting and producing from Cal State University of Northridge. And I’ve never looked back, to be honest. It’s always filled my heart. I always wanted to move people. It was the medium that I chose to move people in. And yeah, that’s how I ended up here.
Amanda:
I’m always envious of people who knew or know exactly what they want to do. That never really happened for me. I fell into production completely on accident, because it was just the company that I found a job at when I moved to LA. And I love it now, but I don’t have the same passion for it that some people do. It sounds like you were drawn to it from the time you were little, and then you found your place in it. Even though that place has changed a few times, it was always what you wanted to be, that’s kind of where you belong. I always think that… it seems like that would be much easier than not knowing what you want to do.
Gilda:
It’s actually harder. Well, it was for me in my life, because you always felt like something was calling to you. But as society goes, and as you’re raised, and every family is different, the expectations of society, the expectations of family and things like that. You become very confused, and then you don’t know where to go, which road to take, where your path will lead you. Is this the right direction for me? I mean, I remember, I chose nursing, and I actually got into an amazing nursing school back in the early 2000s. It was Mount Saint Mary’s in California. I think it was in Brentwood, and it was one of the top nursing schools.
And it was a week before I had to choose whether I’d say yes or no to them, whether I’d continue pursuing it. And I actually ended up saying no, and my mom and dad were so mad at me. They were so mad. And I had to… I chose to then move out of the house because there was a lot of turmoil with the decision making at 22 years old.
I just decided to do this and go, but it was really hard because the support system wasn’t there at the time. It is now, but it wasn’t there at the time. So, there’s challenges in that because you don’t know how people in your life are going to react to your decisions or your calling. And it’s being pulled by your heartstrings, yet at the same time, your brain is going is this good for me? Is this not? You know, it’s like the chaos of the world.
You always want to be in control of your own life.
Amanda:
It’s kind of the opposite of what I dealt with, because I feel like everyone else around me thought they knew what I should be doing, and I didn’t want that. I just wasn’t sure. I’m still not really sure. I love what I’m doing, but I like that I get to move around and choose different things all the time and make that decision about I want to say yes to this one thing, or I want to say no to that, or okay, this sounds ridiculous, but I’m going to try it anyway. I think there’s a lot of freedom in that. Not to say that everyone should just do everything on a whim, but it’s worked out okay for me not knowing and just trusting the process as I go, I suppose.
Gilda:
See, and you know better than I do, because it took me a while to trust the process. You always want to be in control of your own life, and that’s something that I’ve learned through energy healing, like doing Reiki. And then also just letting go, and surrendering, and understanding that you are in control of your life in a sense. But for me, I believe there’s also life that also knows and controls that aspect and it just goes a lot slower than you. So, you have to be completely patient in some way but just kind of keep the ball rolling. And that’s what I teach, and I try to implement in my everyday life, in my business and in productions as well.
Amanda:
I made a face. That’s why she’s laughing, because we know that production is a special, it’s a special industry.
Gilda:
It’s special. I mean, just this morning, I’m working. Even though I have my business on the side, I am still working in production. And my director, who I totally trust and believe in, or I wouldn’t be a part of his film, he’s like, he texted me this morning. He’s like, “I’m thinking about making the 30-minute into a full length feature.”
Amanda:
It’s just a minor change.
Gilda:
I think we have enough — just a minor change. And I’m like, okay, I gotta let that go for one second, concentrate on this podcast. But I texted him, I was like, “Not that I don’t support you, but we need to talk about this. Is this going to do something to the story that it shouldn’t? Is this a director’s choice as opposed to the choice of the film?” But I trust him completely to the point where I know how he makes movies. And so, if he didn’t see that the story was being driven, he wouldn’t have done it. So, I can’t wait to hear what he has to say. Yay for me!
Amanda:
That’s kind of another part of trusting the process, is you have to work with people who you know aren’t going to lead you in a crazy direction, because they can only do that once. I feel like if they lead you in a weird place one time, you should learn from that and then you can weigh that in if you want to think about working with that person again. And maybe you say no, but if they’re good, and you think okay, this doesn’t make sense to me but that person has the instincts, and you know that whatever they’re feeling is going to work, sometimes you just have to go with that too. It’s that we do want everything. We want to control everything and we can’t.
Gilda:
No.
Money and finances are a huge part of it, because you can afford then to say no to somebody.
Amanda:
The world, all sorts of things have different ideas for us, and a different timeline. Where you said we want it to happen now, but you kind of sometimes… actually all the time… you can’t control what happens. You can control how you react to it. And you, still, there’s an element of planning and detailing, but also an element of laying back a little bit and thinking “this is out of my control. I’m going to accept it as it happens, and make my decisions as I go.”
Gilda:
100%. I mean, the one thing about being in your 20s, at least for me, was you were able to learn from — you know, you’re on production after production and a lot of times things didn’t go as planned. Where you worked with people you didn’t like, or you didn’t want to ever work with again, but you have to do what everybody else does in any other field. I mean, if you’re a lawyer, you’re going to become part of a law firm and then realize you don’t like those people, so then you’re going to change law firms. Like it’s part of growing up in your first few jobs. It is learning that, whether it’s in studio, or corporate, agency, whatever it is, you’re going to learn who you want to work with, and who you don’t want to work with.
And the people that I feel go into the direction of who they eventually want to work with… And it takes time. It takes time. It takes energy to figure that out, and it does take money. And people don’t realize that money and finances have a huge part to play in you actually working on things that you want, as opposed to you don’t want. But it’s a huge part of it, because you can afford then to say no to somebody. So sometimes I want to argue like, okay, what comes first? The finances or your wants? And I never know which one to tell my clients to use because it depends on their situation.
Gilda:
It depends on them. For me, it’s a choice of, you know, I’ve been there, I’ve done that. I’m gonna choose to trust myself, and my knowledge, and not go towards abuse, but it’s also sometimes not abuse. Sometimes it’s just a lack of respect. You know, I feel like there’s abuse, and then I feel like there’s lack of respect. And I don’t want either of them in my life. So, you know, you, you just learn to go towards the things that are healthy for you, for your soul, which is hard to do in this industry.
Amanda:
It really is, I think it’s probably like that in a lot of industries, but it’s a really good point about the finances. And it’s one of the many reasons people in creative fields, they never want to talk about the business stuff. That’s why this podcast exists. It’s like, okay, I get the money’s not the fun part. If you have a lot of it coming in, then that’s really fun. But if you don’t, and that means you have that amount that you have to figure out what to do with, and this opportunity comes your way, and maybe the income is good, but the situation isn’t ideal. You have to know how to weigh those decisions. And the finances, having a grasp on, how much you have coming in, how much of it going out, what you can afford to do, which choices you can make. It really goes a long way, but some people just don’t want to. They just don’t want to deal with it. And it’s kind of “I’ll just figure it out. I pay my bills, It’s fine. I don’t need to know that stuff.”
Gilda:
Or they were like me where they thought that they had to make thousands upon thousands, or millions, to be able to then have the amount coming in to know what to do with it and then balance it out. And it’s like, actually, from what I’ve learned… and believe me, I’ve had lessons to learn… you don’t really need that much money. You just need the little bubbles of where you’re going to put that money.
Amanda:
It’s more about managing the money you have than, “well, I don’t have to worry about it until I have more.”
Gilda:
Yeah. If you don’t know how to manage it now, you’re not going to know how to manage it when you have a shit ton. So… can I say that word by the way?
Amanda:
Sure.
Gilda:
I’m sorry. I’m a producer. I cuss. It’s what I do.
Amanda:
It is all right.
Gilda:
I’m either talking to lawyers, or I’m cussing. I mean…
You have to trust the other people.
Amanda:
That should be in your bio. “I’m either talking to lawyers or I’m cussing.” I like that. I do like that, and it’s somehow suitable. Well, we kind of talked about it a little bit. I always believe that the more I understand about all the moving pieces, the better I am at my job. So, I don’t want to be an editor. But if I understand how timelines work, what codecs are, all that technical stuff, then I can communicate better with other editors who are on my team. So, it’s more about the education and me wanting to know how everything works, so I can use that in my communication with all those types, not wanting to do all of those things as my job. But since you started as an actor, you moved into screenwriting, you’ve been in front of the camera, you’ve been behind it in many different roles. How did those earlier roles help you progress and find your way in the producing world?
Gilda:
Honestly, I had really great mentors. I had great teachers who ended up being mentors. And even some today, I’ve kept them. One of my favorite people to talk to. She’s a professor still at CSUN, Alexis Krasilovsky, and she’s won numerous awards globally for her documentaries. And I think what you learn in acting, if you have a good coach, is trust. You have to trust the other people. You have to trust that they know how to make the right decisions. And if they don’t, you come out of love, and you make it for them without making it seem as though you’re choosing.
So, don’t — you know what I mean? And that kind of comes into all aspects of a job. You have to trust the people that you hire to do the job. You have to trust yourself to hire the right people. And then you have to trust the people to know that they love their job enough to do it correctly. And yeah, as far as, you know, the editing part of it you really hit something for me right there because I’ve had numerous people always tell me, “Just edit your own stuff. Go make your own films. edit.” As if it’s, like, so easy to edit.
Amanda:
You just click a few buttons. It’s fine.
Gilda:
You have a Mac computer. You can just do it. And it’s like, oh God. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, I feel like you are in some ways insulting the editors who actually go to school, and go into thousands of dollars’ worth of debt to become really good at their craft. But I get what people are saying. They’re saying that you are behind the wheels, now drive. But for me, I’ve never been interested in editing. I’ve done almost everything else but sound and editing, and lighting. And that is nothing… I don’t want to go into those fields at all, but I will hire people that are good at their job where I can trust.
Gilda:
So, I definitely do have some knowledge, but I don’t have all the knowledge of a lighting person, a cinematographer, the camera equipment. And I’ve chosen not to do that on purpose. And I don’t know whether I’m right or I’m wrong on this, but I think it could go both ways, I don’t know. But the reason why I chose that is because I’ve started to realize, I’m a little OCD. And early on in my career, if I started wanting to know every single step of the lighting person, or every single step of the sound engineer, and to see if… I’m going to start looking over their shoulders and being like, what are you doing? What? You know what I mean? And I don’t want to be that person. I really don’t. I think that you’re putting a lot more into your head that doesn’t need to be there, where you can put it somewhere where you can really shine. Just let them do the work that they’re good at and trust them.
Amanda:
I love that because you paid attention to who you are, and you can see that. Some people I don’t think can see that and they become those micromanagers, because they know just enough that they think then they can dictate what the professional that was hired to actually do that job does. And that, I know that drives editors crazy when they’ve got the guy sitting over their shoulder, or the girl, or whomever sitting over there like, “Well, why did you make that choice?” And it’s like, okay. You hired me to do this job, let me do it. There are creative differences and sometimes outside input is welcome. And other times, just let the people do their job. But it’s good that you know that.
Some people, I think, don’t do enough self-reflection, or introspection, or whatever you want to call it. They don’t really get to know themselves, their working style, how they act in certain situations. I think that goes a long way, is being able to really know who you are, and how you’re going to work the best.
If you’re eating somebody, you’re eating your coworker.
Gilda:
Right. And it’s also people getting the wrong information, and actually believing in that information. You know, I was just at a Fortune 500 corporate company, and one of the only other female producers, I remember her saying something along the lines of, you know, “This is dog eat dog, basically. And if I have to just care for myself, then I guess that’s how it’s gonna be.” And it’s a small department, so if you’re eating somebody, you’re eating your coworker, and we all know it. We all understand what you’re talking about. And it’s like, you chose rather than choosing better. You chose what you didn’t think was fair, and what was happening to you, which made you mad, but then you decided in your own mind that this is how it works, so now I have to become bad like everybody else. And it’s like, no, that’s… you’re going to be around like-minded people. So good luck to you.
Amanda:
The people I know, in this industry, whom I respect the most, and I feel are the most successful, are the ones who are kind. They treat all of the people… whether they’re business owners, producers, whatever… they treat everyone on their team with respect. They give them that freedom to make their own decisions to do what they’re good at. That doesn’t mean that they always make the perfect decisions, but then you can have a conversation and talk about how we would do it differently in the next time. But you have to give people the ability to do a good job, or to learn if they make a mistake. These people that think, oh, you can never make a mistake. You’re robbing a lot of people a lot of growth by expecting that. And then all it does is it perpetuates this fear that if I’m not perfect, I’m going to lose my job. I’m going to get yelled at, and whatever is going to happen and it’s just not good for anybody.
Gilda:
Yeah, I mean, when you work in studios or corporate, especially when you first start out, you get stepped on. And you allow that because you don’t know better. Even that happened to me. I mean, I’m sitting here miss confident, and I know this, and I know that, but it took a lot of learning experience for me to get to where I am. And that’s how I help the people that come to me for help is through my own experiences. You know, I can’t lecture on something that I don’t know.
Amanda:
Well, you worked for some big companies like PBS and MGM before deciding to stay self-employed a few years ago. What motivated that change? And how has it affected your life and career?
Gilda:
Well, we’ve been talking about why <laughter>
Amanda:
I know, because I want to get more into that, that’s why.
I wasn’t showing up to myself the way that I needed to.
Gilda:
Well, I had good experiences, and not so good experiences. And it’s not just at studios, it’s not just the Fortune 500 or PBS, it’s everywhere. It’s in independent filmmaking, and agencies. There is a lot of unhealthiness going on, and that you have to be around, to get the paycheck and the benefits, and all that good stuff that comes with it. And it got to a point to where, for me, I wasn’t showing up to myself the way that I needed to, if that makes any sense to you. You know, I went from a perfectionist to someone who was now mediocre at her job, because you were so tied down to only doing what they want you to do, and then being reprimanded if you did anything more or wanted more, or more money or whatever it was. And that’s the sad part about it is being in departments. There’s not much room for growth, and people don’t really appreciate you, and companies want to keep you down, I feel. At least that was my experience. I think you might have had a similar experience as well that you’ve talked about in your podcast many times.
Amanda:
The corporate world, just not for me.
Gilda:
Yeah, it is not for me either. But I now know how it works to where when I work with them and there’s a decision that’s made, and rather than being upset and frustrated on the creative end, I can be like I understand how they got to that conclusion. Now, I’m going to do something to go around that and be like, okay, now you have to see it from my point. So, in a way, it was really good, because it allowed me to see how it functions to be able to put in arguments that they’re able to understand and see. That’s the good part about it.
And also, the other good part about it is the friends that you make. It’s the friends that you make, they’re the co-workers, because they’re all feeling the same way, and you just hang out after work, and you have a good time. And some of you stay friends and some of you don’t. So that aspect was really great, but obviously the reason why I left was because, you know, some things aren’t so good. So, I did end up just working for myself. And it ended up being kind of a huge, huge blessing. I really have to think about it hard, because I made this decision. I mean, I had my own company before the pandemic, but it was like dabbling into it. But during the pandemic, I was like, eff this, it’s all in. Again, I don’t know if I can cuss but…
Amanda:
That was just a letter.
Gilda:
Literally, that was literally like what I did.
Amanda:
I think sometimes you have to get to that point, though. And it’s a shame that you get pushed to that point where you don’t care anymore. But at the same time, I think you are very similar to me in that maybe your time there didn’t end up the way you had hoped it would. And there was a lot that you had to go through that you would never want to go through again. But you can find some element of gratitude that you went through it because of what you’ve learned from it. And going through all of that, sometimes all that negative stuff that you have to live through, it just teaches you what you’re not willing to put up with in the future.
Gilda:
Yeah.
Amanda:
And that’s good to know. It’s always unfortunate that you have to learn it the way you do. But I know that, for me, I’d gotten to the point at the end of that last job, I didn’t care. And I’m not a person who doesn’t care about my job, but there was nothing in it for me. I was staying for the other people who were still there. I felt a sense of loyalty to them. And then people kind of started going their own ways anyway. And it was like, what am I doing here? Especially when there was a corporate ownership change and then it was just a totally different world, and they lost the heart of what the company was and what the people who had built it tried so hard to create.
It just came… they just didn’t care. It just came crashing down. And that’s why I didn’t go for four months and finally was asked to leave. But it was the best thing because prior to that I had never wanted to work for myself. When I was saying that everybody else kind of thought they knew a path for me and I didn’t know, people assumed I wanted to own a production company. And I didn’t. I never wanted to deal with a building, and overhead, and all of that stuff, and other people relying on me for their livelihood. I don’t want that kind of pressure. So, it just really never appealed to me. Then I started to realize, I don’t have to be a company. I can be myself and do what I do but on my own terms and that’s perfectly fine.
I can still work with production companies. I can work with all kinds of people, but I get to be in the environment I want to be in. I can say yes to which jobs and which clients, and I can say no to ones that don’t resonate with me. And it’s like, why did this never dawn on me before? But I believe in timing. I think I had to go through all of that to learn what I needed to learn to be able to do this in the way that I want to do it. And that’s what I do now.
Gilda:
It’s the school of learning. We’re at earth school, you know? That’s what Gary Zukav calls it. He’s one of the spiritual teachers that I’ve read some of his books and so it just resonated with me. It’s like, it’s the earth school. We’re all spirits having a human experience. There’s the light and the darkness. And so, what… you have to have darkness in order to see the light. And you know, living in light, you’re just like, all happy pappy. Like, you don’t realize what’s there, what’s not there. So, you’re right, we all have to go down the hill, to then go up the hill.
Amanda:
I’m sorry. As you were talking, I just remembered how you’d made that comment about eating co-worker, and I was laughing about that. Yes, I just… I went back to it, to that, and it was a delayed reaction. Sometimes I hear… there’s this weird delay, I swear. I talk about it, how there’s me, and then there’s my brain, and they’re two separate entities.
Gilda:
It’s just in that particular way.
Amanda:
And sometimes there’s a delay.
Gilda:
There’s a delay.
Amanda:
So, I’ll hear something later. And I just heard “if you’re eating your co-workers…”
Gilda:
You’re hilarious. One of the, one of the best things about you that I love.
People will take from you if you allow.
Amanda:
Thank you. Thank you. Well, most people think about the film industry in terms of the fun. I’m sure this happens for you. People who are not in the industry are like, “What do you do for work? Oh, that’s supposed to be so exciting. You’re always working on all these great projects.” And it is, but we know it is often chaotic and stressful. People are working long hours, many days in a row, often in less-than-ideal environments. Burnout is a real danger in production… and a lot of industries, but we both know production and it’s rampant there… and is one that you faced yourself. What happened with that? And where did that experience take you?
Gilda:
Well, yeah, I mean, you experience burnout when you keep going and you keep going and you don’t stop and give yourself a break. And then your bills just keep coming. This is why I said finances, in the very beginning, are just as important because it allows you some freedom. And you don’t need to make thousands of dollars to be able to do it. You just need to know how to manage it. So yeah, I did experience burnout because it was just like, go, go, go, go go. Pay the bill, pay the bill, pay the bill. And there were no breaks. There was no recharging of your batteries. And people will take from you if you allow. They will take everything that you have, if that’s what you are giving them.
For me, when I did end up burning out, which actually I don’t even remember, it was probably a few years ago, but I’m totally healed from that. So that’s why I don’t remember it, or when it was, or why, or what happened. But the healing part comes right after. And for me, it was learning a lot of tools about how to work and not get burnt out. So, I have like, on my Instagram, I have these cheesy tips of the night. You know, where it’s like before your head hits the pillow, this is what you should do. And a lot of it, honestly, are things that are so natural, like breathing exercises, or gratitude. Just things as simple as those two things could really help you fall asleep. That only takes like a couple minutes or meditation music.
But that worked for me. That’s not gonna work for every single person. I believe in it, because it helped me. But for you, it could be something totally different. You know, to you, it could be writing. You could actually spend 15 minutes before bed writing and that just some, whatever it is. Whether it’s fictional, or a journal, and that could be your way of healing from the burnout and understanding how to give your life some balance. And I do believe in balance, but I believe in balance not in the way of the monk, where you live 24/7 in some kind of like, you know, whatever it is, like balance.
They’re just so at peace, and you’re just like, if I show up that way to a production set, you can forget it, brother, I’m getting fired that day. But there is some sort of truth to that. You know, you can have balance, you just can’t have it all at same time, all the time. When you’re on production, you’re like, go, go, go. I don’t want to remember, five minutes before bed, this little breathing exercise. I got to go to sleep to make it to the next set in the morning. I only got four hours. So, for me, I understand that when I’m on production, I’m just going to do what I can do. And if I have 10 minutes to listen to a meditation and do a breathing exercise, I’ll give myself that. But I do know that after a production, I do have to give myself a week or two, or however long that production is, I have to give myself… you know, I have to weigh it, like, how long do I take a break? Because breaks are really, really important in your sanity. And then, in those breaks, whether you want to or not, you have to make yourself do these exercises, whether it’s Reiki, sound healing, yoga, whatever it is, I know, sometimes you don’t want to, but you have to. You have to. They’re your medicine, it’s like the doctor giving you a prescription, and you’re going, “I don’t want to take this pill.” But you take it in the morning, because you have to. The only difference is, well, it’s easier to take a pill than to actually do a five-minute exercise.
Amanda:
Which is problematic in so many ways, but I think it comes back to that self-awareness. I like that you say that about balance because I think some people have it in their head that it’s an everyday thing. Like, every day I have this much work and this much life, but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you might have a crazy month, where you don’t have the life balance, but you have all the work. And then when that month is done, like you said, when you get through what you need to get through, now you can go back and then balance out the other part of you. Take a break from the work and focus on yourself again. I just went through that. I took on too many jobs at one time, and I knew I was doing it.
Gilda:
Oh, no.
Amanda:
I knew ahead of time that it was too much, and I tried to say no. I’m really good at my boundaries. But this particular client needed me, and needed it in a way that I really had to weigh the options of do I do what I feel is right for me right now, which is to stay home deal with things that are going on here? Or do I put my own needs aside for a minute, or 11 days, and go be somewhere else because that client needs me? And I know there’s no one else that can do it for him. And that’s not an ego-driven thing. I just… it’s a very specific job. And there was a reason it had to be me.
Gilda:
Because you’re fabulous. Hello, like that’s an easy one.
Amanda:
Well, thank you. It was, but I had some real heart-to-hearts with that client explaining my situation and why I was hesitant to go there. They explained why it was important. And ultimately, I decided to put my own needs aside for a short time. And I was nearing that point of I’m doing too many jobs right now. I am not having enough time for my own self-care, but I also knew that it was for a limited amount of time. I wasn’t in a full-time job that had no ending in sight. I knew when the end date was going to be.
And there were little things that I would do in that. And that’s again, the self-awareness, where sometimes you’re so busy, you’re so tired. You don’t want to do an hour of yoga, or go workout, or something. But I don’t know many people, I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard it, that regretted a workout after they did it. You always feel better afterwards. So maybe you don’t take the full hour, but maybe you say, I need to do this for half an hour now.
I’ve been out of practice from yoga for a while. I transitioned into Pilates, and that’s kind of what has been the best suited for me. But when I was getting into that super stressful period where all the jobs needed me all at the exact same time, I started to feel stress, which is something I don’t normally feel. I feel that I’ve put enough procedures in place to kind of make sure I don’t get there. But I got to that point, and I went back to yoga because it wasn’t just about exercising. There is a mental component to it. There’s a slowness of holding a pose and just focusing on your breathing. And so, I really turned back to yoga during that period because sometimes it was just 30 minutes. Sometimes it was even shorter, but it was I need to do this right now so I don’t get so burnt out that now I can’t do anything.
So many people do not communicate because they don’t want to be judged.
Gilda:
Yeah. And you said the most important thing, too, is in the beginning, you communicated with your client. So many people do not communicate and keep things to themselves because they don’t want to be judged. I mean, I was just in the cardio kickboxing class. And I was dying after 10 minutes, first of all, and I’ve never done one before. And I was at the point to where at 30 minutes, I was like either I go now, or I’m gonna die at the hour mark. And I hit the limit of, great, am I going to be judged for leaving class? Because of course, I chose the spot where it’s all the way at the other end of the corner where I’m going to have to pass everyone to leave class in the middle of it. So now I look like a loser. And I’m just like… So, I had to, even though it’s cardio kickboxing, I had to make that decision of what’s good for me? And so, I left.
Amanda:
It’s so weird how we get in our heads about that stuff. I used to be the same. I deal with all kinds of issues, and my shoulders are messed up, and it leads to headaches and other pain stuff. And there’s so many times in a yoga class, or in a Pilates class, or anything, where your ego comes into play. It’s like, well, these people are doing it, so what does that say about me if I can’t do it? And at some point, I realized that’s ridiculous. And if my shoulder doesn’t move that way, I’m not going to force it to move that way. If I need to use lighter weights, or if I need to take a break, who cares? And nobody else in the class cared. I never at any point got like, “Oh, okay, what is she doing? Oh, she can’t do this. She must be less than or… you know?”
And maybe internally, there’s more pride, like, okay, well, she can’t do it, but I can. And if that motivates you, then that’s fine. I don’t really take any issue as long as you’re not verbalizing it. But I usually call myself out on that stuff because I am the type that makes jokes out of things. It’s the way I kind of deal, and I maybe it’s some psychological element of if I’m laughing at myself, it’s okay if other people do too. It kind of takes their power away. Maybe it’s just a coping mechanism that’s not as grounded as I would like to say it is, who knows.
We get in our heads like whether you’re in that corporate world, you’re on a production and it’s independent, there are a lot of times when we take things personally, that have nothing to do with us. So maybe that guy’s cranky because he’s been working long hours and he hasn’t eaten for 12 hours. And so, he needs to eat, and he’s tired, and it’s hot outside, so he then yells at you about something. But he’s not yelling at you because of what you did. That’s just the state of mind he is in at that moment and it’s coming out at you. And that’s the thing that… part of the reason I was asked to be on that job and it had to be me is because I stay calm. I think I have that perspective to know that if people are upset, it’s not because of me. And maybe sometimes it’s about me, but I don’t really think it’s about me. I don’t take it personally, I can let you vent at me, or yell at me, and I’m going to stay calm. I’m going to hear what you say. I’m going to tell you that your feelings are valid. And then I’m going to say my piece too. It doesn’t mean I’m gonna let you walk all over me. It doesn’t mean you can get into that abusive territory that you talked about. I will still be very direct, but I will be calm, and I will do it in a respectful manner. And in the chaos that is production, that can go a long way.
Gilda:
Right. Calm is good in chaos.
Amanda:
Yes, calm in the storm is very good.
Gilda:
Isn’t that one of the four agreements too? Is like, don’t take things personal. I can’t remember.
Amanda:
I don’t know what they are.
Gilda:
The Four Agreements by Don Ruiztry. Oh, I gotta show you the book there. So, it’s like, be impeccable with your word. It’s like the thing that you’re taught when you’re a child that you forget, because nobody ever does it around you. And so, you’re like, well, I’m going to act like them, because that’s who I’m around every day, then you forget. So, these are just like books that I read that are reminders of what, you know, life is really like, and what it’s about. It’s things. It’s a me thing. It’s a me thing, but it’s helped me.
Amanda:
So you’ve mentioned that, kind of right before the pandemic or during it, you got to that point where you were just done. You were going to focus on your business full force. You have worked on your holistic coaching program, and you help people navigate the world and keep that balance in their lives that we’ve been talking about.
Gilda:
I try.
Amanda:
What is the hero’s journey? What is this coaching all about for you?
We’re all trying to be heroes in our own journey.
Gilda:
So the hero’s journey for me, it actually brought me back to school when I was doing screenwriting and getting my degree. So, in a script, you have the hero’s journey, and they go through the whole process of the hero. It started with Joseph Campbell, and then Christopher Vogler took what he wrote about myths into screenwriting. So that’s when I first learned about the hero’s journey into this special world. And it’s in a lot of really great films. If you watch the hero and the journey he takes into the film, it really hits every mark. And I realized, technically in films, these heroes, they’re supposed to be us. That’s why we look at them as heroes and it touches our heart, and we get inspired. At least that’s what it was like in the 90s. But I don’t know about these films these days
Amanda:
Back in the day.
Gilda:
Back in the day. So I was like, well, we’re all trying to be heroes in our own journey. And when I take a look at it, there isn’t anything about that hero’s journey that is very different than what we go through in our journey in life. Now, some people decide not to take those journeys or those steps, but the steps are there. They’re there. It’s just up to you to take them or not. And so, I actually use the hero’s journey to show where somebody is in their point in life and where they want to go. So, I use the chart as a way to kind of gauge who someone is, and what they want in the industry, and to help them on their path and guide them. And that’s what I use that for. So, they’re writing their own script, basically.
Amanda:
You’re focused mostly on people in the entertainment industry, right? You’re helping them, like you just said, you’d be your own hero. I like that there’s a lot of talk these days about rewriting your story, or changing the narrative, and all these things that I think are really helpful for humans to do. It’s taking power back and taking that control we talked about at the top of the episode, and using it in a more productive way. It’s actually controlling the outcome of your life, to the degree that you can. So, you were really driven to help other people who have been in the situations that you’ve been through navigate this particular industry, even though you can work with people from everywhere, that I think is really helpful in this industry that is so chaotic and crazy.
Gilda:
Well, I know this industry, front and back. You know, it’s not, I mean… Granted, I haven’t worked with everybody. That’s not what I’m saying. But you see, like the things, there are a lot of things that I’m going to know about it. And I’m going to be able to answer a lot of your questions and kind of have a little bit of a knowing. If someone who’s a lawyer was like, “Okay, I want to do this with you.” It’s like, okay, well, I don’t really know a law firm, and how that kind of works, but it does work with you. So, you can be a hero as a mom, as a dad, you can be a hero as a producer. It’s a word to describe you, your purpose.
And the journey changes all the time. I would have never thought from wanting to be the actress that I got trained to be, as to suddenly now being an Emmy-nominated producer, and then also like a holistic coach for people in the entertainment business that really need some guidance. I would never have thought that was ever going to happen to me. If anything, I literally thought I was going to be like an Academy Award winning actress. Because, you know, if you’re going to be an actress, why not Academy Award? Like that’s how high-achieving I think. I’m one of those people that’s like, yes, I want the company, I want your life, but I don’t take care of it.
Amanda:
And there’s nothing wrong with that. I think that’s good. And it’s especially… I think that’s a key component of all of that is one that you were working with people one on one. So you are not just telling them, okay, here’s step 1, 2, 3, and 4, and this is going to apply regardless of whether you’re a producer or lawyer. You’re actually working with people to figure out what is it that you want, because your journey is going to be different than mine, and different than everybody else’s. But also including that really, really special component that your journey can change. And that’s where some people get, because they get so focused on the one path, the one goal, they forget it’s okay, if you change your mind. It’s okay if that doesn’t work out and something else presents itself, or suddenly feel like you want to completely go in a different direction. You’re allowed to do that.
If you’re really passionate about wanting something here, there’s no straight line to it.
Gilda:
Well, I think it’s really important to mention that, one, everybody has their own frustrations and concerns and what it’s costing them. And that’s always something that I ask in the initial talk with them. But also, to understand that when you say your journey changes, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going in a complete different direction. If you’re really passionate about wanting something here, there’s no straight line to it. You got to go this way and this way and this way to get to it because that’s called life. It’s called life. I don’t know many people that just go straight in one direction. And if I do, they really have kind of a little bit of a boring life, I suppose, but they like it that way. So it’s okay, as long as you love your life.
What I’m saying is, for example, I’m gonna use me. I have clients, I’m a holistic coach, but I didn’t stop production. I’m still producing. I still have the knowledge of a screenwriter and how it works and as an actor, and I just got asked to be in a role to play a doctor that I said yes to. And then I also am doing a film. So, I haven’t stopped doing everything that I’m doing. This is just another path that was presented to me that was like, you know what? I want to do this. I want to help people. You don’t know where this path is gonna take me. It might take me to meet Steven Spielberg, or something like that, you know? Like you don’t know. You don’t know. But you got to do what feels right and what’s in your heart. That’s the most important.
Amanda:
I like that a lot. And it is… I think some people think you have to give up one thing to do another. But I like the idea of, and obviously I still… when people ask, “What do you do?” It’s a long explanation. I’m working with a web development team for one of my clients, and we had some time waiting for somebody to get on to a Zoom meeting and she’s like, “Okay, wait a minute. So, you did this U2 thing, but you’re also doing rocket launches, and then you’re doing this work with The Voice Actors Studio. Like, what do you do?” I’m like, “Oh, I do a lot of things.” I’m a believer in the “and.” Because some people want that boring life that you mentioned. And I don’t even mean boring to be a negative. And just some people like structure, they like routine, they want to know everything that’s happening. They like the consistency. I don’t want that. I like the variety. I like that every day, every week, is different. It’s just what works for me.
Gilda:
Well, I don’t even think that I was even given a choice in the sense of what I like or don’t like, because I was just born with big visions. I was born with ideas. And to not honor what I was born with in my mind, I feel like I’m not utilizing life in the correct manner. And if I’m going to confuse somebody as to what I’m doing in life, and that puts a pause on them because then they don’t know how to hire me, then that’s okay. I’m okay. Are you okay? If you’re okay, I’m okay. Can we still be friends? You’ll eventually figure it out. You’ll eventually figure it out.
Amanda:
Me too. And so, in addition to your big vision, you’re also a big believer in supporting your community. So you help out with some film festivals and nonprofits, and you teach free acting classes.
Gilda:
Yeah, at the library. I did. I have to, as you say, balance things out. So, I’m not right now. But I did do free acting and free screenwriting classes to people that needed that. Yes.
Amanda:
Why is it so important for you to give back?
Gilda:
I think that we’re in this world, and this is just my opinion, to not just live and take, but to give and that’s really important for me. And it’s not just money. You know, it’s sometimes giving your time is a lot more, it means a lot more. And that’s what people need a lot of times is your time and your love. And so, I did help a children’s nonprofit in town. I’ve helped many film festivals, whether it’s as a grant writer or as like film liaison, or producer. Children and film are always close to my heart. And they always will be. And animals. I love horses.
Amanda:
If you had one piece of advice for other self-employed creatives, what would it be?
Gilda:
One? Just one?
Amanda:
You can give more.
Gilda:
I feel like it’s the end all be all. If I were to give any advice to self-employed creatives, I would sit and think, if I were to wave a magic wand, what would your life really look like? And ask yourself, why aren’t you taking those steps? Like, what’s stopping you from actually doing it? And don’t be afraid to get the help you need to make that happen for you because you’re worth it.
Amanda:
Good advice. Where can people find you out in the social media and other worldly things, worldly places?
Gilda:
So I have a website, gildagraham.com. And I’m also on Instagram under miss_ggraham, and then I’m on Facebook, Gilda Graham. Twitter @gildagraham. I mean, I’m on every social media platform except for TikTok because… I don’t know why I’m not on TikTok. But yeah, so that’s where people can find me. And if you have any questions or want to get in touch, you go to my website. I’m not giving my personal number.
Amanda:
Oh, well, okay, I guess I can’t publish this episode then because that was what the whole goal was.
Gilda:
I knew it.
Amanda:
I was like, can we give Gilda to give out her personal info?
Gilda:
I knew it. I knew it.
Amanda:
And I have been defeated. But regardless…
Gilda:
Oh, and I do have a YouTube channel as well.
Amanda:
Okay, and that’s where you can find some of Gilda Graham’s guidance… good alliteration… and some of these tips for breathing, and writing, and finding that balance in your own life, which is so important. Thank you, Gilda, for joining me today. It’s always fun to talk to you.
Gilda:
Thank you. Bye.
—
Instagram @miss_ggraham
Twitter @gildagraham
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXTgk_yxX7qzEI2F6T6L7dw